I went to a singles event in a quest for love—or at least, a good blog post. The night started with all the usual suspects: drunk college kids, a pack of women who looked like they were on a mission, and a hilarious moment I'm still not over involving two wheelchairs. Everything was going great until I came face-to-face with the last person I ever expected to see. What happened next wasn't just awkward; it was a full-blown dating disaster.
The concept was simple: Match.com rents out a room at a nice bar, fills it with single people, and gets them a bit tipsy.
When I arrived, I was relieved to see the room wasn’t a total sausage fest. My “7th Grade Dance” theory was debunked—everyone was already mingling.
The Highlights Reel:
My favorite moment: A woman asked a guy in a wheelchair, "Are you two here together?" while he was on the opposite side of the room. Pure comedy.
The crowd: A normal collection of drunk college kids, a pack of women who seemed to be conducting interviews, and everyone else who was already well on their way to being shit-house drunk.
The Strategy: I just went up and talked to women directly. Knowing they were single was a huge confidence boost. If a conversation died, it was easy to just move on to the next person.
Then came the unfortunate twist. I saw my friend’s girlfriend. She made it clear she didn't remember me and said she was there to meet "new guys."
Fuck.
I texted my friend:
Me: "I'm at a singles event, and your lady is here."
Him: "Tell her I said hi."
After a quick bathroom break, I found her again.
"Hey, I know you," I said. "I'm Joe…"
She remembered me instantly. After a few expletives, she stammered, "You aren't going to tell him, are you?"
I said nothing.
"I'm just here for moral support," she offered.
(I stare blankly...ok, I blinked some probably)
"I told him I was in Grand Rapids," she tried. "I just didn't say why…"
I looked her straight in the eye and said, "You're cooked."
I paid my tab and left. I didn’t find love, but I did a solid for a friend. All in all, a success.
I hope the wheelchair people ended up rubbing wheels tonight.
