Wednesday, February 20, 2013

I'm me (and other reasons I'm an ass)

Ending a relationship is the fastest way to get a brutally honest performance review. Suddenly, your ex is happy to reveal every flaw they ever saw in you. A few pounds? You're a "fat ass." A little sarcastic? You're "dead inside."

(And honestly, she wasn't wrong. Maybe I underestimated her intelligence.)

So, what was the big takeaway from all this? I learned that knowing when a relationship is wrong is just as crucial as knowing when it's right. As a 31-year-old who's emotionally 14, my life advice is usually suspect, but I'm solid on this one.

As for my ex, I genuinely couldn't find a single bad thing to say. Sure, she bleached her hair a lot and wasn't much of a reader, but she was a genuinely sweet and caring person. For some unbiased insight, I turned to the person who knows me best: my mom.

(And by "unbiased," I mean if I used a soup ladle to wipe out an entire nursing home next week, she'd be the first person in the visiting room.)

My mom's professional opinion? "Well, you're a person who needs...space. And you need a person who doesn't need your input. I mean, you're going to give your input, but that person shouldn't care what you have to say."

And that's from the woman who gave birth to me.

After several months in a serious relationship, I can't claim to know what a great relationship looks like, but I now know exactly what it doesn't.

Most importantly, my mom said I'm Ron Jeremy handsome.

No comments: