Match.com Date Review: Tierney

Re-entering the Dating World

For reasons I don't fully understand, I decided to re-up my Match.com membership. I had been feeling a bit down on the site lately, mostly because I hadn't had much success, but I realized I was holding a grudge against them for something that wasn't their fault. So, I decided to cast my line out there and try again.

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A Promising Start

Within the first few days, I began exchanging emails with a woman named T (not Mister...God know we would've gotten along better). We were the same age, had no kids, similar education, and the same sense of humor and religious beliefs. After about a week, we began texting and made plans to meet for drinks. We met last Thursday night, and to my surprise, she looked exactly like her pictures, and conversation came easily! As a veteran of online dating, I know these two attributes on a first date are a rarity.

The night progressed, and everything went well. We laughed and talked about what we would do on our next date. We both had a few drinks, but neither of us was sloppy drunk—just slightly buzzed. As the night ended, I walked her to her car, and she leaned in for a kiss, which promptly turned into a full-blown make-out session. Finally, we pried ourselves apart and called it a night.

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An Unexpected End

We texted on Friday and Saturday, and everything seemed to be going well. But on Sunday, I received a text that said, "I hope this isn't awkward, but I went out on a date with someone else, and it is going to progress. You are a nice guy. Take care."

I know people date multiple people and that things don't always work out when they feel like they should, but I can't explain why this one bothered me as much as it did. Maybe my sense of the entire situation was off, or maybe she regretted kissing me after the date. Who knows.

All I know is this: I understand less about the dating world at 32 than at any other time in my life. And really, I don't need to understand everything. I just want to know how to make it work. More than anything, I'm just tired of the dating carousel. I'd like to get off now, please.

Stir events by Match.com - Part Three: This is starting to get sad

Another Trip to the Wilderness

For reasons I'm still trying to understand, I made a third trip into the wilderness that is a Match.com Stir event. If you're new to my exploits in this arena, you can find my previous posts there. To summarize my first two outings:

• First time: I met up with a friend's girlfriend who was not acting like she had a boyfriend.

• Second time: I came with the friend whose now ex-girlfriend was there the last time. I met someone, but after three months, the relationship ended. Why, you ask? She didn't read well, or at all really. She shared intimate details of our sex life with her entire family (mom, dad, three sisters). And when we had a disagreement once (not a fight, just a calm discussion), she responded by curling up into a ball and sobbing uncontrollably for an hour.

So, the other night was my third trip to Stir. This time, I decided to fly solo. My buddy has found himself a girlfriend, and I couldn't beg anyone else to come with me—you know, I had options and whatnot. Now a veteran of these events, I left with many observations.

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Observations From a Stir Veteran

• Drunk girl: I saw her dancing alone again. She's made appearances at the other events, always completely drunk by the time things start and hitting on every guy there. The weird thing? She's very attractive. I couldn't tell you if she was smart because she slurred her words like a stroke victim. Either way, I'm glad she was there.

• 40-year-old dude in a baseball cap: Listen, Billy Jack, everyone knows you're bald. It's cool. You're fooling no one with the hat. Either shave your head or take the goddamn hat off.

• The husky Indian chick (convenience store, not casino): Last time I was there, I made every attempt to escape her, and she actually asked me, "Why did we never hang out?" The reason why doesn't matter; your being a glutton for punishment is what fascinates me. Do you remember being dismissive of what I did for a living? Or telling me that dumb people watch TV after I told you I loved TV? You fall into one of two categories: a liar or stupid. Which is it?

• People who can't take a hint: Luckily, I learned early on when women weren't interested in me. (Okay, it was in 7th and 8th-grade dances, and the fact that any girl, let alone a mildly attractive one, caused me to have a boner hard enough to cut glass. Looking back, yeah, that was probably a factor.) But I watched men and women continue to bombard the opposite sex with questions when that person was making it painfully obvious they weren't interested. I commend persistence, even if I don't understand it, but it's respectable. Either way, raise your self-awareness a bit and move on.

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Final Thoughts

My night ended with no real prospects on the horizon, but I did get a blog post out of it. More importantly, I'm curious to hear about the experiences others have had at these events. Leave a comment and go wild; spare no embarrassing details.

Note: It will show that I have to approve all comments now because some ass-clown keeps posting spam ads for boner pills on everything I put up. To this person, who speaks English as well as a Vietnamese hooker: I hope your grandmother is attacked by an AIDS-infested wolverine, you pathetic shit.

I Went to Another Match.com Event So You Don't Have To

Match.com's "Stir" events are always an adventure. After a messy encounter with my friend's girlfriend at the last one, I was hesitant to go back. Luckily, that drama meant my friend was now newly single, and I had the perfect wingman for round two.

A Night of Horrors (and Humor)

Going in with a friend makes these events so much easier. We headed to a Grand Rapids bar, grabbed some beers, and took in the scene. Just like the last time, it was a 50/50 split of men and women, with people of all ages. My buddy, a 6'5" dude in his early 40s, would soon discover his height attracts a very... special kind of woman.

It wasn't long before we were approached by a dynamic duo: Amanda, 34, and Marie, 51. While Amanda's body was a bit… uniquely shaped, Marie was rail-thin and a self-proclaimed "huge fan" of tall guys. After ten minutes of polite chatter, Marie looked at my friend and, completely straight-faced, asked, "I bet I could climb you, mind if I try?" The silence was deafening. My friend and I just stared at each other, trying to process if we had just heard what we thought we heard. Note to self: know when to pull the ripcord and make a swift exit.

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After an unceremonious escape from the world's worst morning radio show duo, we were immediately cornered by a group of five insurance agents. This crew was mostly forgettable, save for Sandy, a short, stout, and aggressive woman who put me through a rapid-fire interview: "Where do you work? What do you read? Do you travel?" She would then answer her own questions, immediately followed by her unfiltered opinion. "Do you watch TV? I think TV is for dumb people. Successful people climbing the corporate ladder don't watch TV." When I admitted my love for television, she actually responded, "So you don't want to be successful?"

At that point, I knew I had to make a move. You can insult me, but don't you dare besmirch the good name of television.

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I literally turned my back on Sandy, not knowing what or who was behind me. That's when I met Kristen. She was cute, funny, and — best of all — a fellow Detroit Tigers fan. We started talking, and the conversation just flowed. She asked questions and listened to the answers. Whatever "it" is, we had it.

Meanwhile, my poor friend was still trapped in the circle of insurance agents, fighting for his life. He eventually learned the last great lesson of a Match Stir event: don't be afraid to politely cut bait.

The night ended on a high note when Kristen gave me her number. We've been hanging out ever since. We laugh at the same things and have the same laid-back attitude. Our tastes in music are a bit of a train wreck, but everything else is going great.

So, if you're thinking about a Match event, go for it. Just know you'll meet all kinds of people: the good, the bad, and the climbers.