Match.com Date Review: Tierney

Re-entering the Dating World

For reasons I don't fully understand, I decided to re-up my Match.com membership. I had been feeling a bit down on the site lately, mostly because I hadn't had much success, but I realized I was holding a grudge against them for something that wasn't their fault. So, I decided to cast my line out there and try again.

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A Promising Start

Within the first few days, I began exchanging emails with a woman named T (not Mister...God know we would've gotten along better). We were the same age, had no kids, similar education, and the same sense of humor and religious beliefs. After about a week, we began texting and made plans to meet for drinks. We met last Thursday night, and to my surprise, she looked exactly like her pictures, and conversation came easily! As a veteran of online dating, I know these two attributes on a first date are a rarity.

The night progressed, and everything went well. We laughed and talked about what we would do on our next date. We both had a few drinks, but neither of us was sloppy drunk—just slightly buzzed. As the night ended, I walked her to her car, and she leaned in for a kiss, which promptly turned into a full-blown make-out session. Finally, we pried ourselves apart and called it a night.

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An Unexpected End

We texted on Friday and Saturday, and everything seemed to be going well. But on Sunday, I received a text that said, "I hope this isn't awkward, but I went out on a date with someone else, and it is going to progress. You are a nice guy. Take care."

I know people date multiple people and that things don't always work out when they feel like they should, but I can't explain why this one bothered me as much as it did. Maybe my sense of the entire situation was off, or maybe she regretted kissing me after the date. Who knows.

All I know is this: I understand less about the dating world at 32 than at any other time in my life. And really, I don't need to understand everything. I just want to know how to make it work. More than anything, I'm just tired of the dating carousel. I'd like to get off now, please.

Dating 101 for Dudes: Stop being yourself

Dating Advice for the Fellas

Since I offered some unsolicited advice to the ladies, I figured you guys could use some equally useless dating advice.

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Keep the First Date Simple

Don't plan a bunch of extravagant stuff for a first date. When I first started dating after my divorce, I'd plan nice dinners and multiple activities, only to realize I was wasting a ton of cash on women I had little in common with. Stop it. For a first date, just plan for drinks or coffee—nothing more. If you're both enjoying yourselves at the end of it, feel free to extend the evening. But if she's a total pain in the ass, you can cut your losses after a single drink.

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Just Be Yourself

There's no point in spending the first few dates pretending to be someone you're not. At some point, the real you is going to emerge, and it'll be in stark contrast to who you've pretended to be. Knock that off. When you meet the right person, whether it's for the night or forever, it'll be because of who you truly are, not who you fake being.

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Be Polite

Hold open doors, offer to buy drinks, and just be polite. Maybe this won't get you laid, but it'll mean you aren't a jerk, which counts for something as far as karma is concerned.

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Listen More, Talk Less

Shut the f* up**. Smile a lot, ask questions, and let her talk about herself. Throw in funny comments when you can, and only talk when you have something meaningful to say. Mostly, though, realize that she probably doesn't give a damn about most of what you have to say. Don't be rude; just smile, ask about her, listen, and whatever you do, don't one-up her stories. (In fact, don't do that to anyone, unless you want to be an asshole.)

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Be Honest, But Not Brutally Honest

Say things like, "You look great" and "It was a lot of fun to hang out with you." Avoid statements like, "Your p* stinks**" or "I think you're a b**." These sound funny and obvious, but some guys get a few drinks in them and decide to be "cute." See Rule #4: Shut the fuck up.

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Act Confident

Confidence can be hard for a lot of us because it may not be in our nature. If you're not confident, follow this rule: act as if. Just pretend you are confident. Believe that someone, somewhere, is going to find you attractive. Maybe it's not the girl you're on a date with, but someone will be into you for who you actually are. It's the law of averages, man. I know a guy who was a total nerd in high school, moved to Korea, and now has a hot wife. I'm just sayin'—it happens. Just be you.

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Don't Be Pushy

There's a fine line between taking a chance when you think she's interested and being a pushy douche. If you think she's into you and you're feeling the moment, take your shot. Maybe you'll miss (aka get shot the f*** down), but at least you took a chance. Now, if you get rejected and keep pushing, you're probably a creepy dude. Maybe it works with some women, but it most likely means you're a shitty person.

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So, that's what I've got, fellas. In short: don't be a dick.

Online Dating Tips for Women (Because You Didn't Ask)

Online dating can feel like a minefield, especially with the odds stacked against women. With a 5:1 male-to-female ratio, it's clear the ladies don't need help getting attention. I've seen profiles that mention vindictive exes, veiled references to abuse, and even one where a woman declared, "I don't trust men and won't trust you." Despite these red flags, they all get plenty of emails, winks, and attention from men. Why? Because we can be completely and utterly shameless.

With that in mind, here are some tips to help you attract a decent human being online, along with things to avoid.

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Your Profile Photos

Let's be real: most straight guys like boobs. So it's no surprise that 99% of us are drawn to a picture of them. However, if your profile is a collection of photos of you in a bra or strategically covering your chest, we'll assume you're okay with showing them off regularly. It may not be fair, but it's the truth. If you're not looking to put "all the goods out there" on day one, it's best to keep the cleavage to a minimum on your profile.

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Spelling and Grammar Matter

Please, for the love of all that is holy, use spell check. If I'm reading your profile and it's full of misspellings and no punctuation, I'm going to assume you've either had a traumatic brain injury or you're just not that bright. Either way, I'm probably moving on.

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Choose Your Username Wisely

If your username includes words like Princess, Baby, Hottie, Gorgeous, Bitch, or Sexy (or any variation), I'm going to assume you're a massive pain in the ass with a hefty sense of entitlement. There's nothing wrong with being confident, but these usernames reek of someone who's trying to compensate for a lack of personality.

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It's a Conversation, Not an Interview

When a guy emails you with questions, it means he's interested. If you're interested too, the polite thing to do is email him back, answer his questions, and ask some of your own. This is how a conversation works. Only answering the questions you were asked makes the exchange feel like an interview and gives the impression that you're either not interested or you're just a little dense. If you're not interested, just don't respond at all.

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Leave Your Ex Out of It

Don't mention your ex or how he ruined your life. It comes across as sad and a little pathetic. A dating profile should be about you and what you're looking for, not a summary of your past heartbreaks.

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Be Clear About Your Intentions

If you're not interested in dating or are "just looking for friends," online dating is the wrong place to be. It's not fair to lead a guy on when he's hoping for a potential relationship and you're just looking for a movie buddy. While something serious could develop from a friendship, you're essentially making him play against a stacked deck.

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Common Courtesy Goes a Long Way

Finally, when you get to the point of a first date, always say "thank you." I'm old-fashioned; I always pay for the drinks or dinner, even if she offers to split the bill. Since I asked you out, I believe it's my obligation to pay. In that case, a simple "thanks" is all I need. I'm not asking for favors in the parking lot, just an acknowledgment of the gesture. I can't tell you how many times a date has ended with nothing more than a simple "bye." It's not a deal-breaker, but it's basic common courtesy.

Dating Advice from a Buffoon-Sage

You've heard it said that timing is everything, but I'd argue that our mentality plays an even bigger role. Have you ever been able to tell that someone is sad, angry, or joyful without a single word being spoken? I'm a firm believer that our vibe and self-confidence—or lack thereof—is something others can sense, especially when it comes to dating.

We've all been there: a period when it feels like no one wants anything to do with you. Why? Often, it's because they can sense that you're down, depressed, or lacking confidence. When I was in a slump, I found a few pointers that were especially helpful.

Get out of the house.

You'll never meet anyone by hiding away in your apartment. Get out there and meet people, even if it's just other guys or friends who are already in relationships. Make connections and build your social circle. A lot of the time, our misery is a result of us choosing to shut ourselves off from the world.

Some people just won't like you.

This is a tough one to accept, but it's crucial: some people, for whatever reason, just won't be interested in you. This isn't because they're better than you; it's just a simple fact of life. It's not personal, so accept it and move on.

TENS of THOUSANDS of women will want you.

I don't know you, but this is simple math. Statistically, some people are going to like you—and not just a few. Do you know how you can find them? By stopping the self-pity and living life. Make friends and get out and do things that don't involve a computer screen.

This is it.

Don't worry about things that may never happen, and don't spend time dwelling on what has already happened. You can't change the past, and you can't predict the future. The only thing you can do is take care of this day and enjoy it.