Match.com Date Review: Tierney

Re-entering the Dating World

For reasons I don't fully understand, I decided to re-up my Match.com membership. I had been feeling a bit down on the site lately, mostly because I hadn't had much success, but I realized I was holding a grudge against them for something that wasn't their fault. So, I decided to cast my line out there and try again.

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A Promising Start

Within the first few days, I began exchanging emails with a woman named T (not Mister...God know we would've gotten along better). We were the same age, had no kids, similar education, and the same sense of humor and religious beliefs. After about a week, we began texting and made plans to meet for drinks. We met last Thursday night, and to my surprise, she looked exactly like her pictures, and conversation came easily! As a veteran of online dating, I know these two attributes on a first date are a rarity.

The night progressed, and everything went well. We laughed and talked about what we would do on our next date. We both had a few drinks, but neither of us was sloppy drunk—just slightly buzzed. As the night ended, I walked her to her car, and she leaned in for a kiss, which promptly turned into a full-blown make-out session. Finally, we pried ourselves apart and called it a night.

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An Unexpected End

We texted on Friday and Saturday, and everything seemed to be going well. But on Sunday, I received a text that said, "I hope this isn't awkward, but I went out on a date with someone else, and it is going to progress. You are a nice guy. Take care."

I know people date multiple people and that things don't always work out when they feel like they should, but I can't explain why this one bothered me as much as it did. Maybe my sense of the entire situation was off, or maybe she regretted kissing me after the date. Who knows.

All I know is this: I understand less about the dating world at 32 than at any other time in my life. And really, I don't need to understand everything. I just want to know how to make it work. More than anything, I'm just tired of the dating carousel. I'd like to get off now, please.

Match.com: The Log-in Game

As a seasoned veteran of the Match.com scene, I've learned many tough lessons: the over-sharers, the profile pictures from ten years ago, and even the etiquette for a one-night stand (always offer breakfast—I'm old-fashioned like that).

But a new lesson has recently caught my attention: The Login Game. Let me explain.

You're seeing someone and you've hit that awkward in-between zone (dates four through six). You're having fun and you don't want to date anyone else, but neither of you has brought up being exclusive—likely out of fear of making things weird. With this paranoia in full swing, you occasionally log in to Match.com, click on her profile, and see that she was online within the last hour. Hmm.

From here, there are a few options:

• The Douche Move: "I saw you've been on Match. What's up? Are you talking to other guys?" This works well for the insecure clowns, but it's not my style.

• The Cool Guy Move: "So, um, we're cool and all, but are we cool?" This isn't a terrible approach, but eye contact and tone are key. She'll either know you're asking about your relationship status or assume you're trying to buy weed.

• The No Move: Just don't say anything.

I don't have an answer to this one yet...but wait.

What if she's logging on to see if I'm logging on?

Whoa, man. That's deep. Maybe I should see if she's selling that weed after all.

Fake numbers, no responses, and other shit these lesbians are pulling...

I once wrote a blog post called "The Stink of Failure," but it had little to do with failing. It was really about trying new things, having guts, and making a change. After recently becoming single again, I've been taking my own advice, and most things have worked out pretty well. 

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Confusing Signals

The results of online dating have sucked so far. First, there was a girl we'll call Katie. We exchanged texts and emails and finally met for coffee. The date went really well—we talked, laughed, and had plenty to say for over two hours. At the end, we hugged, and she said, “Let’s do something again; I had fun. Text me that you got home safe.”

Like a fool, I did exactly that. I texted her that I made it home safely, had fun, and looked forward to hanging out again. Her response? I’m still waiting. Thanks to iMessage and the “read message” notification, I know she saw it. That was five days ago.

A few days later, I met some friends for a few beers. A girl at a neighboring booth struck up a conversation with me. With a little alcohol in my system, I was funnier and definitely more attractive than usual. As we all prepared to leave, I asked for her number. She smiled, wrote it down, and said, “That sounds like fun.”

Two days later, I called and got the voicemail for a guy who works for Consumers Energy. I double-checked the handwriting and my dialing—it was a fake number.

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What the Hell Is Going On?

So here’s my question: What in the blue hell is going on?

To the first girl: It’s fine if you're not interested, but don’t give confusing signals. I get not wanting to reject someone to their face, but a better option is not to say anything other than “Thank you,” and I will get the hint.

To the second girl: I had three beers but was by no means hammered. Is a fake number really better than saying you have a boyfriend? Or, even easier, just don't initiate the conversation in the first place.

The obvious issue here is that all these goddamn lesbians are leading on the straight men. Go play some softball and knock that shit off.

The Date That Made Me Question All My Life Choices

I recently re-joined Match.com and started chatting with Sabrina. She was attractive, had a great job, and claimed to have an amazing sense of humor, so we made plans to get drinks. I walked in the door at 5:54 p.m.—a detail that will become important later.

When we met, she actually looked like her pictures, which was a refreshing change. But then something odd happened. I asked her about her Easter dinner, and she replied with three words: "It was fine." Okay, so I asked if she'd done anything fun with her family over the weekend. "Not really."

This went on for the next half hour. I’d ask an open-ended question and receive a one-to-five-word response, followed by silence. I didn't even get the unimaginative follow-up question, "What about you?" It seemed like even "You?" was too much to ask.

After about 20 minutes of this, she finally offered, "I don't have much to say sometimes." No kidding, Socrates. I asked her if she wanted another drink, and she literally just shrugged her shoulders, unable to utter a syllable. I took that as my cue, called for the check, paid it like a chump, and mercifully, the date ended.I got back to my car at 6:32 p.m.

The lesson: If you're on a terrible date with someone you know you'll never see again, and she offers to split the check, don't be a hero—just split the check.

How to Talk to Women: A Field Guide for the Socially Awkward

This post is a straightforward guide on how to approach and talk to women, based on personal experience. The author's perspective is built on two key realizations: getting older and "not giving a fuck." This shift in mindset changed a self-defeating thought process that once prevented any attempt at conversation.

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Key Takeaways & Actionable Advice

1. Practice, Practice, Practice

• The Goal: Not to get a date, but to simply start a conversation.

• The Method: Spend one day talking to five attractive women.

• Example: See a woman in a grocery store? Make a simple comment about a product, even if it's a "small white lie."

• Likely Outcome: 98% chance she smiles, says thanks, and moves on. The more you do it, the easier it gets.

2. The "Magic" Pickup Line

• Simple is Best: The most effective "pickup line" is "Hi" and a smile.

• What to Say Next: Have a relevant, non-offensive follow-up comment ready.

• Handling Rejection: If you get a blank stare or rude response, just smile, take a deep breath, and move on. You've dodged a bullet.

3. The Worst-Case Scenario

• The Experience: The author recounts a woman who told him she didn't date "bigger" guys.

• The Lesson: This type of cruel feedback is a reflection of her character, not your worth. Realize "what a bitch" she was and move on.

4. Give a Little "Shit"

• Be Playful: Be polite and nice, but don't be afraid to poke fun.

• Example: If she disagrees with you, jokingly say, "Thanks for screaming at me."

• Why it Works: This can put her on the defensive in a playful way, continuing the conversation. If she flips out, you just saved yourself from dating someone who's "uptight."

5. If She's Not Interested, Move On

• It's Not Personal: If you get a "no," or she blows you off, just move on.

• Perspective: You likely won't see this person again, so there’s no harm in trying. (Unless she's a co-worker or boss—in that case, tread lightly).

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Final Thought:

If you never try, you've already lost. The worst that can happen is you get some practice, maybe make a friend, and flatter someone. Life is short, so don't live with the regret of not saying "Hi."

Why "Perfect on Paper" Doesn't Work

My friend is a stand-up guy—a successful man who works hard for his family. On paper, he hit the jackpot with his wife: she's beautiful and comes from a wealthy family. It all makes perfect sense, like a financial statement written in cursive. Yet, watching him, it's clear that life isn't a spreadsheet.

I recently found myself in a similar boat. I met a woman who, on paper, was a slam dunk: low-drama, attractive, kind, and considerate. She had everything I thought I wanted, but for some reason, the chemistry just wasn't there. At 31, I felt the pressure to "buy in" and settle down, but no amount of mental gymnastics could make it work.

In the past, I’ve definitely been a victim of "good enough." I stayed in relationships that weren’t making me happy just because an attractive woman was interested. As a friend once wisely put it, "You start ignoring red flags, and one day you look down and you're standing on a huge pile."

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The Blame Game and the "Spark"

So, why do we stay in these situations? And why do we blame ourselves when a seemingly perfect relationship fails? I felt guilty that I didn't like my ex as much as she liked me. I've been ruined by the few times I've felt that unmistakable "spark"—that lightning-bolt moment when you meet someone and everything just clicks. Your heart races, you blush, and you start fantasizing about a future that includes this new person.

But when that spark is missing, we often fall back on old habits. We get lonely and question our own worth, thinking, "Why would anyone else love me?" We go back to bad relationships, conveniently forgetting the pain and romanticizing the good times. We choose the wrong people because we know they'll accept us, even if it means more pain down the road. We basically go back for seconds and ask, "Thank you, sir, may I have another?"

The bottom line is this: If the spark isn't there, don't cling to the hope that it will magically appear. You owe it to yourself to believe you're worthy of a relationship that ignites your fire and brings out the best in you. It can be a lonely road, but you deserve more than settling for "good enough." You deserve to be decent to yourself.

Review: OkCupid.com (I'm going to hell...)

Dating Site Debacles: A Look at OkCupid

Based on my site's traffic, it seems people only care when I write about other dating sites and porn. (On a side note, apparently, I’m a big deal in Turkey. So to Turkey, I say, “How ya doin’? Way to be Muslim without being jerks about holding women back. And democracy—not bad, right?”)

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My Review of OkCupid

This isn't my first time on this site. A few years ago, I used it and met a woman. By "met," I mean she said hi and immediately started sending me naked pictures. I’ll be honest, up until that point, I wasn't sure women like her actually existed. We eventually agreed to meet for coffee on a Sunday morning. Within an hour, we were headed back to my place for some sexual relations. And within an hour of that, she was on her way home. We never spoke again. Weird? For sure. Random? Absolutely. Cool? Kinda, but it’s definitely in my Top Five Weirdest Moments Ever (along with the time I accidentally touched SpongeBob SquarePants inappropriately and a night in Vegas that involved three different continents).

Since Match.com costs money and I'm currently unemployed (thanks for nothing, college degree), I decided to check out the free options. I’ll give OkCupid this: it's not PlentyOfFish.com (more on that in a later post). OkCupid has you set up a standard profile with a picture and asks you a series of questions. After you answer 25 of them, the site generates a compatibility percentage for you and gives you three matches, which they call The Quiver. As you answer more questions, the site reveals how compatible you are with each person, which is a pretty cool feature.

What the site also tells you are the chances that your match will reply to your message. In short, welcome back to middle school, motherfucker. You can read a profile, like someone, but then see that they are "VERY selective about who they respond to." Well, my confidence was sky-high until I read that nonsense. So, whether I like it or not, I have to factor that into my decision before messaging anyone.

And here’s where things get weird: I see a girl I went to high school with. That in itself isn’t very interesting—until I remember she's the girl my buddy, Mike, lost his virginity to. Suddenly, my mind, which has been battered by years of poor decisions and alcohol, remembers every damn detail of them having sex. She liked sex in public. She liked sex often. In short: she liked to hump. A lot. At 31 years old, I should be able to think about something other than that, right? Nope. I eventually decide not to message her because I heard Mike has warts on his ding-dong. Is it true? Were they from her? Does Mike like Asian hookers? I couldn't find the answers, so I decided to move on.

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Final Thoughts

The site seems okay, but I have no idea if it produces any results other than random coffee shop hookups.

You’re probably thinking, “Wow, this is a pretty shitty review... It seems like nothing more than an excuse to tell a story about some random sex you had and to talk about a girl from high school.”

Hi, have we met?

Stir events by Match.com - Part Three: This is starting to get sad

Another Trip to the Wilderness

For reasons I'm still trying to understand, I made a third trip into the wilderness that is a Match.com Stir event. If you're new to my exploits in this arena, you can find my previous posts there. To summarize my first two outings:

• First time: I met up with a friend's girlfriend who was not acting like she had a boyfriend.

• Second time: I came with the friend whose now ex-girlfriend was there the last time. I met someone, but after three months, the relationship ended. Why, you ask? She didn't read well, or at all really. She shared intimate details of our sex life with her entire family (mom, dad, three sisters). And when we had a disagreement once (not a fight, just a calm discussion), she responded by curling up into a ball and sobbing uncontrollably for an hour.

So, the other night was my third trip to Stir. This time, I decided to fly solo. My buddy has found himself a girlfriend, and I couldn't beg anyone else to come with me—you know, I had options and whatnot. Now a veteran of these events, I left with many observations.

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Observations From a Stir Veteran

• Drunk girl: I saw her dancing alone again. She's made appearances at the other events, always completely drunk by the time things start and hitting on every guy there. The weird thing? She's very attractive. I couldn't tell you if she was smart because she slurred her words like a stroke victim. Either way, I'm glad she was there.

• 40-year-old dude in a baseball cap: Listen, Billy Jack, everyone knows you're bald. It's cool. You're fooling no one with the hat. Either shave your head or take the goddamn hat off.

• The husky Indian chick (convenience store, not casino): Last time I was there, I made every attempt to escape her, and she actually asked me, "Why did we never hang out?" The reason why doesn't matter; your being a glutton for punishment is what fascinates me. Do you remember being dismissive of what I did for a living? Or telling me that dumb people watch TV after I told you I loved TV? You fall into one of two categories: a liar or stupid. Which is it?

• People who can't take a hint: Luckily, I learned early on when women weren't interested in me. (Okay, it was in 7th and 8th-grade dances, and the fact that any girl, let alone a mildly attractive one, caused me to have a boner hard enough to cut glass. Looking back, yeah, that was probably a factor.) But I watched men and women continue to bombard the opposite sex with questions when that person was making it painfully obvious they weren't interested. I commend persistence, even if I don't understand it, but it's respectable. Either way, raise your self-awareness a bit and move on.

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Final Thoughts

My night ended with no real prospects on the horizon, but I did get a blog post out of it. More importantly, I'm curious to hear about the experiences others have had at these events. Leave a comment and go wild; spare no embarrassing details.

Note: It will show that I have to approve all comments now because some ass-clown keeps posting spam ads for boner pills on everything I put up. To this person, who speaks English as well as a Vietnamese hooker: I hope your grandmother is attacked by an AIDS-infested wolverine, you pathetic shit.

I'm me (and other reasons I'm an ass)

Ending a relationship is the fastest way to get a brutally honest performance review. Suddenly, your ex is happy to reveal every flaw they ever saw in you. A few pounds? You're a "fat ass." A little sarcastic? You're "dead inside."

(And honestly, she wasn't wrong. Maybe I underestimated her intelligence.)

So, what was the big takeaway from all this? I learned that knowing when a relationship is wrong is just as crucial as knowing when it's right. As a 31-year-old who's emotionally 14, my life advice is usually suspect, but I'm solid on this one.

As for my ex, I genuinely couldn't find a single bad thing to say. Sure, she bleached her hair a lot and wasn't much of a reader, but she was a genuinely sweet and caring person. For some unbiased insight, I turned to the person who knows me best: my mom.

(And by "unbiased," I mean if I used a soup ladle to wipe out an entire nursing home next week, she'd be the first person in the visiting room.)

My mom's professional opinion? "Well, you're a person who needs...space. And you need a person who doesn't need your input. I mean, you're going to give your input, but that person shouldn't care what you have to say."

And that's from the woman who gave birth to me.

After several months in a serious relationship, I can't claim to know what a great relationship looks like, but I now know exactly what it doesn't.

Most importantly, my mom said I'm Ron Jeremy handsome.